3 posts tagged “love”

2 months ago I decided to tackle my trust issues with men & read Elina Furman's bestseller Kiss and Run.

Kiss and Run: The Single, Picky, and Indecisive Girl's Guide to Overcoming Fear of Commitment

Elina Furman

A week later I was dating some guy I promised to have a drink with a year ago. It was my first date in a year & although we had no problem chatting over the Internet all night long, we didn't share more than 5 sentences in an hour. A week later we've had an early morning walk between St Michel & Chatelet . & on our third date we went to the movie. The film was horrible, our conversation was still poor & I realized I did not know his name after a year of Internet chatting & 3 dates. I know I'm wrong for that, but at least I did not have to introduce him to anybody.

So as I went back to thinking that I didn't have to go through dreadful dates, when I was happy being single, my friend gave me the number of a guy who just arrived in Paris so I could help him find a job & be familiar with everything. The real intention was of course to put us together. She insisted on how cute & adorable he was & how we would get along. So I met the guy a week ago. He is cute indeed & we've had a nice moment... & BREAKING NEWS!!! I DO LIKE HIM. I find him nothing wrong . usually there is always something I don't like, but he seems perfect to me. There must be subliminal messages in this book intended to break into the defense system of every proud single woman . 

*sigh* I'm totally falling for him & I want to know what he thinks about me . this is the first time I'm actually so self conscious about the quality of my conversation. I spend the night & the day after wondering if I didn't talk too much, if I didn't sound too intellectual or too stupid, or if I didn't laugh too much . did he like the place I took him to?

Yesterday for instance, I was supposed to pick a book at a library, meet with the author & get a signature. So I

Transit Maps of the World

Mark Ovenden

 proposed we meet from there & then we go have a drink. Turned out the author was supposed to make a full length presentation about subway maps around the world (Disaster!!!!). We were all sitting there with our glasses of wine & water, listening to that guy & wondering why on earth he thought about writing a book exclusively on metro maps!  finally it became interesting (I don't know how exactly). I learned there were people redrawing maps for fun & other stuff. My date found the presentation interesting. What a relief! Then we ended the evening in a Starbucks coffee shop talking about everything. 

I'm impatient, he is shy, so even if there is something, he will never say anything. I have to bite my tongue just not to say something stupid like: " say you love me, you would like to start a relationship, kiss me or do something & let's get over with it!" or "the clock is ticking, Valentine's day is coming & there is this $200 pair of limited edition of Ray Ban I would love to offer to someone ."
I think he likes me or he's just too nice... in all the case, I prayed really hard last night that he be totally in love with me. I even promised to never be mean with any guy ever again (a pretty serious commitment). It was a deep prayer, followed by a session of auto-suggestion . I kept repeating that I always had what I wanted one way or another & that I would have him one way or another.
See, I'm losing all sense of rationality & suddenly, I don't think Susan from The Desperate Housewives is as nut as she seems to be.

 I'm between excitement & fear of rejection, which is not a bad thing I guess. Few months ago I was still in my fortress, protecting my feelings like my life depended on it. Now it scares me to see how disoriented I am when I am not in control.  

so the question is, how do you make one cute, interesting shy guy to express his feelings without you having to guess, even after just 2 weeks?

> >Tech Support: Yes, ... how can I help you?
> >
> >Customer: Well, after much consideration, I've decided to
> >install Love. Can you guide me through the process?
> >
> >Tech Support: Yes, I can help you! Are you ready to proceed?
> >
> >Customer: Well, I'm not very technical, but I think I'm ready.
> > What do I do first?
> >
> >Tech Support: The first step is to open your Heart. Have you located
> > your Heart?
> >
> >Customer: Yes, but there are several other programs running now.
> > Is it okay to install Love while they are running?
> >
> >Tech Support: What programs are running ?
> >
> >Customer: Let's see, I have Past Hurt, Low Self-Esteem, Grudge
> > and Resentment running right now.
> >
> >Tech Support: No problem, Love will gradually erase Past Hurt from
> > your current operating system. It may remain in your permanent
memory
> > but it will no longer disrupt other programs. Love will eventually
> > override Low Self-Esteem with a module of its own called High
> > Self-Esteem. However, you have to completely turn off Grudge and
> > Resentment. Those programs prevent Love from being properly
installed.
> > Can you turn those off ?
> >
> >Customer: I don't know how to turn them off. Can you tell me
> > how?
> >
> >Tech Support: With pleasure. Go to your start menu and invoke
> > Forgiveness. Do this as many times as necessary until Grudge and
> > Resentment have been completely erased.
> >
> >Customer: Okay, done! Love has started installing itself. Is
> > that normal?
> >
> >Tech Support: Yes, but remember that you have only the base program.
> > You need to begin connecting to other Hearts in order to get the
> > upgrades.
> >
> >Customer: Oops! I have an error message already. It says, "Error
> > - Program not run on external components." What should I do?
> >
> >Tech Support: Don't worry. It means that the Love program is set up
to
> > run on Internal Hearts, but has not yet been run on your Heart..
In
> > non-technical terms, it simply means you have to Love yourself
before
> > you can Love others.
> >
> >Customer: So, what should I do?
> >
> >Tech Support: Pull down Self-Acceptance; then click on the following
> > files: Forgive-Self; Realize Your Worth; and Acknowledge your
> > Limitations.
> >
> >Customer: Okay, done.
> >
> >Tech Support: Now, copy them to the "My Heart" directory. The system
> >will overwrite any conflicting files and begin patching faulty
> >programming. Also, you need to delete Verbose Self-Criticism from
all
> >directories and empty your Recycle Bin to make sure it is completely
> >gone and never comes back.
> >
> >Customer: Got it. Hey! My heart is filling up with new files.
> >Smile is playing on my monitor and Peace and Contentment are copying
> >themselves all over My Heart. Is this normal?
> >
> >Tech Support: Sometimes. For others it takes awhile, but eventually
> >everything gets it at the proper time. So Love is installed and
running.
> >One more thing before we hang up. Love is Freeware. Be sure to give
it
> >and its various modules to everyone you meet. They will in turn
share it
> >with others and return some cool modules back to you.
> >
> >Customer: Thank you, God.

Glassy Heart Bleeding