9 posts tagged “humor”
TGIF!
Orange #1: what is this? I recognize this dress! She is taking a bath & she is waiting for me! ..... orange #2, I am coming :p... I don't get it...what a hell is happening here? Orange #2!!! what is this????
Banana: awww sh... I told you we should have gone in the freezer!
Orange #2: Wait! let me explain! This is not what you think! I... I... Yes, I love bananas! I do! They are so long & so firm... (ohhh shaddap! let me continue my story :p ) & I love their curves!
Orange #1: But you said size didn't matter & that you loved me because I was funny! How could you do that to me???
Orange #2: I'm sorry, I wanted to tell you. But I love when he lays his hands on me & it's just not the same (For real!) I need a thug in my life, a rough man. I'm just too much of a woman for you & you know it.
Notice the grapes, Ms peachy & Pear gossiping on the corner. you can be sure the story will be heard everywhere by the time someone come eat them. The steaks & french potatoes will be talking about it before dinner this evening.
Orange #1 will be wandering in bars smoking MGOs & drinking pesticides like crazy until he ends up molesting lemons. Of course, this is another story named "trapped in the fruits compartment of the fridge"
*whipping tears*
Hilarious, don't regret the time, read it. The following is supposedly an actual question given on a University of Washington chemistry mid-term:
The answer by one student was so "profound" that the professor shared it with colleagues, via the Internet, which is, of course, why we now have
the pleasure of enjoying it as well.
Bonus Question: Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?
Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant.
One student, however, wrote the following:
First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering hell, let's look at the different Religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of
these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell. With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume
in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities:
1. If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2. If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over.
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you, and take into account the fact that I slept with her last night, then number 2 must be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and has already
frozen over. The corollary of this theory is that since Hell has frozen over, it follows that it is not accepting any more souls and is herefore, extinct...leaving only Heaven thereby proving the existence of a divine being which explains why, last night, Teresa kept shouting
"Oh my God."
THIS STUDENT RECEIVED THE ONLY "A".
I just feel like acting fool today! I just fell on this video & no matter how many time I watch it, it always cracks me up :D
"Who else seen the leprechaun say yeaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah!"
"It could be a crackhead!...& They told him to get in the tree & play a leprechaun!!!!" ROTFLMAO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
*Dead* @ the leprechaun flute from the great great great irish father.
Weew! Have a nice day :p
Resume
2036 South Side Skreet Projects
Compton, CA 11122
Phone: Cut off right now but will be back on by the 15th.
OBJECTIVE
To one day fulfill my dream of becoming a SoulTrain Dancer and, you know, just gittin my life together and stuff. I also hope to one day be the best cosmotologecalist in the ‘hood.’
SKILLS
I do hurh and nails in my kitchen and I use my glitter and weave bonding glue for arts and crafts and stuff. I do braids in any texture or color; synthetic or human hurh.
EDUCATION
The “GET YOURS” Home Correspondence Course, INC
Big Mamma’s House of Hair ‘N Nails “N Fried Chicken “N Stuff (Gradiated with honors for themost extensions don in a year’s time)
WORK EXPERIENCE
January 10, 1999-January 30, 1999
BIG DADDY’S MOTEL MOTOR LODGE BAR AND GRILL POOL HALL AND BAIT “N TACKLESHOP
Reason for leaving; I got sick ’n tired of Big Daddy hittin on me.
March 1, 1999-November 1, 1999
THE GOLDEN TOOTH DENTAL AND JEWELRY EMPORIUM
I loveded this job cuz they gave me a free toof ary monf and now I can spell my baby daddy name but they done up and fired me cuz I let one of my jomeboys sniff the laughing gas. He just smelt it, he don’t do drugs no mo.
November 2, 1999-November 10, 1999
MY BABY DADDY’S DAY CA4RE CENTER CAR WASH AND BARBER SHOP
Reason for leaving: They tried to work a sistuh ta deaf and I got thangs ta do
November 12, 1999-November 14, 1999
KIM FUNG TOI’S HOUSE OF RICE AND SKRIMPS AND STUFF
Reason for Leaving: You don’t even wanna know
November 18, 1999-November 19, 1999
JIMMY’S JHERI CURLS AND MOTOR LUBE
Reason for leaving: Hospitalized for spine injury when I slpped on an overflow of activator
December 2, 1999-December 2, 1999
THE IKE TURNER PIMP SLAP RECOVERY CENTER (They have lovely commodations; yes I worked there and was a patient too.)
Reason for leaving: Center closed down cuz Tina Turner done refused Ike’s request to give a benefit concert and donate the money to Ike. Ike say Tina done got beside haself since she a big star and arythang. He say he remember when she was Anna Mae Bullock from Nut Bush, Tennessee.
REFERENCES
LaWanda Jenkins (from up the skreet)
Hezakiah Clevestus “The Playa” Jones (my homie’s cuzzin’s babydaddy)
The Right Reverend Aliza Benjarmin “Ineedadrank” O’grady (pastor of the Greater Mt. Carmel Church of God in Christ Kingdom Hall of Our Lady of Saints Holy Rosary Latter Day Seventh Advent Saints Episcapaleen Sanctified Non-Denominational Baptist Church Inc., a not-for-profit agency.)
I'm go' get some milk and coooookie! LMAO!!!
enjoy the show
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